Premarital (or extra-marital) sex is always a losing proposition! God is clear that His wonderful gift of physical intimacy is to reserved for the boundaries of marriage. Inside of those boundaries, the sexual relationship is a gift that blesses a couple and a family abundantly. Outside of that biblical commitment, the sexual relationship is always destructive, empty, and sinful. God’s word for this is “fornication”—1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”
In all of my counseling, I never meet people who are glad that they have committed fornication. After the fact, there is ALWAYS regret. Here’s a short list why fornication is always a really bad idea:
1. It breaks God’s laws and dishonors Him—search a concordance for the word “fornication.” We could stop here—it’s all we really need to know.
2. It presents huge physical risk—diseases and illness are rampant among those who engage in this lifestyle.
3. It presents huge emotional risk—a physical and emotional bond without a spiritual commitment is never a winning experience.
4. It presents huge spiritual risk—grieving the Holy Spirit and offending a holy God means we forfeit God’s best. We never win by dishonoring God.
5. It is awkward, guilt ridden, unfulfilling, and not representative of God’s original intent—hence a culture that continually seeks fulfillment with new partners and relationships.
6. It is disappointing at the physical, emotional, and spiritual levels—the only physical intimacy that exceeds expectations is that founded on long-term commitment and marital growth.
7. It creates a spiritual/emotional bond without commitment—this only breeds resentment, bitterness, and the feeling of being used. It says something like this, “I don’t love you enough to commit to you, but I love me enough to use you.”
8. It destroys trust—the best way to have trust in a marriage is to stay pure before you get married. Learning to be committed to Christ (in purity) is the best way to learn to be committed to a spouse.
9. It creates resentment and frustration—it was designed to happen within a committed marriage of selfless love. Outside of that, fornication just breaks the heart and wounds the soul.
10. It leaves you empty and searching for real love—physical intimacy doesn’t create a loving, committed relationship, it’s the fruit of one.
11. It devalues the future intimacy of your marriage—intimacy is “just the two of us.” Premarital relationships destroy that before it even happens.
12. It prevents the greatest intimacy in marriage—the purest and most fulfilling marital relationship is that which is forever untouched by previous relationships. (If you have failed morally, don’t lose hope. Claim God’s grace, and begin protecting your future marriage today by abstaining from further fornication.) Jesus doesn’t shame you, but He would say, “Go and sin no more.”
13. It sets a person on a path of unfulfilling sexual experiences—fornication is a downward spiral of perpetually unfulfilling relationships.
14. It attempts to shortcut God’s plan for marriage and family—it turns God’s great gift of family and love into a cheap thrill and self-centered pleasure quest.
15. It prevents you from having the most fulfilling sexual relationship—while a person is sleeping around, they are NOT preparing for the wonderful lifetime relationship that God intended.
16. It enlarges sexual desires and makes them insatiable—thinking with your hormones allows them to become an unruly taskmaster.
17. It puts the flesh and hormones in control of your life—you are more than a chemical reaction that seeks gratification. Don’t allow your life to be directed by physical desires. Submit those desires to the Holy Spirit, and let them be fulfilled in God’s time and in God’s way.
18. It creates children without strong homes—God intends this relationship to create a family with a foundation of commitment and lifetime love.
19. It feeds the abortion industry—illicit relationship creates unwanted children which creates “the abortion industry.”
20. It cannot be done safely—no matter what culture says—safe sex is one man, one woman, committed in marriage, for the rest of their lives.
How To Avoid Fornication
1st Peter 2:11, “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.”
The Word of God plainly states in 1st Corinthians 6:20, “For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” As Christians, our body belongs to God, it is NOT ours anymore.
We have no right to abuse it, “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.” The flesh HATES this Scripture, because the flesh in carnal and cannot be tamed. The Apostle Peter warns us all … “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul.” Perhaps you feel that you are one of the fortunate ones who hasn’t been infected yet with an incurable disease, but it only takes ONE TIME.
“War” is a powerful word, because lust is a powerful desire. God calls the struggle with sexual sins a “war.” The old sin-nature is unchangeable. When a man becomes a born-again Christian, Jesus Christ comes in to live within his soul, in the form of the Holy Spirit. The key to the Christian life is to YIELD to the Spirit of God continually, “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would” (Galatians 5:16,17).
Psalm 119:11 states, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” David memorized passages of Scripture to help him live for the Lord. We should do the same! I memorized Hebrews 4:15,16 many years ago which comforts my heart often …”For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” What a wonderful Savior!
Jesus told His disciples in Luke 22:46, “pray, lest ye enter into temptation.” No wonder 1st Thessalonians 5:17 states, “Pray without ceasing.” A war is composed of individual battles. We cannot win the war all at once. We have no choice but to deal with each battle, one at a time, as temptations attack us.
“That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.” —2nd Thessalonians 2:12
If you have never committed fornication, God has a simple message for you—DON’T. (Eph. 5:3) If you are committing fornication, God also has a simple message for you—STOP. (Acts 15:29)
God is the giver of the wonderful gift of marriage. He is the Creator of life, love, marriage, and sex. Obeying His plan is always right and always blessed.
And a life of wonderful, married intimacy is one more thing…
WELL WORTH THE WAIT!